Forgotten Mulians – Darul Ma’arif Islamic Boarding School

Darulmaarif.net – Indramayu, May 14, 2025 | 10.00 WIB

In the midst of increasing divorce rates and the cracking of the household ark due to trivial matters, we are reminded of the gold advice from classical scholars. Ibn Qudamah Al-Maqdisi, a great scholar of Hanbali school of schools in the book Mukhtashar Mināj al-Qāṣidīn say:

And know that it is not the kindness of the creation with the woman, as a danger of losses from him, but rather a loss of it, and dreams about.

Meaning: “Know that treating your wife well is not how you don’t hurt her, but how you patiently face it painful and tempting your behavior.” (Ibn Qudamah al-Maqdisi al-Hanbali, Mukhtashar Minhaj al-Qashidin, Wedding Book, Chapter of Husband’s Relationship, Page 99)

This statement seems to flirt reality today, when many husbands (and also wives) are easily offended and reactive to the imperfections of their partners. The ideal household is not built on the hope that our partner will always please, but instead it is built on a willingness to be patient, understand, and forgive each other.

Household is not a demand, but a place to grow

The increased divorce phenomenon, as released by the Central Statistics Agency (BPS) in 2023, noted that more than 447,000 divorce cases occurred in Indonesia. Mostly caused by “constant quarrels” and “there is no compatibility anymore.” This shows that many couples have not equipped themselves with the understanding of household morals as taught by Islam.

Islam does not look at the household as a perfect place without conflict. In fact, the household is a place to mature a husband’s soul. In the book Al-ADAB AL-MUFRADImam At-Tirmidzi narrated that Rosululloh SAW said:

For the authority of Abu Hurairah, may God be happy with Him, He said: God’s messenger, may God give him up and give him peace
“Believers are full of faith, the best of them, and your kindness is good for their women.”

Meaning: “Abu Hurairah Rkḍliyallohu ‘anhu-recount: Rosululloh sees:’ The perfect trust of his faith is the best of his morals, and the best of all is the best of his wife. ” (HR. At-Tirmidzi Imam)

Good morals to couples are not just not hurting, but are patient with the shortcomings of the wife. In this context, patience is the main buffer so that the household is not easily collapsed by trivial problems that can actually be passed if there is a spaciousness of the heart.

The views of the scholars in the yellow book

Not only Ibn Qudamah, Imam Abdul Wahab bin Ahmad Al-Sya’rani in the book Tanbihul Mughtarin Also reminded that the husband has chest of his wife.

And from their morals, may God be happy with them, their patience with the dangers of their wives and witnesses that all wives of one of them seem to have a picture of his treatment of his Lord. When his Lord also does not agree with his wife. This is the majority basis, not a college, so the prophets, peace and blessings are in them, out of it for their infalibility

Meaning: “Including the morals of salaf scholars is that they are patient in their bad behavior. They believe that every contradiction that arises from their wives is a reflection of their relationship with God. When they oppose God, their wives will also oppose them. This is a frequent monk), not universal, sin.”

Furthermore, Imam Abu Hamid Muhammad Al-Ghozali in Al-Adab Fid Din in Majmu’ah Rasail al-Imam al-Ghazali (Cairo, Al-Maktabah At-Taufiqiyyah states that the wise husband will lead with softness, not violence. In the book it is mentioned:

The behavior of men with his wife: Hassan ten, good words, showing affection, rugs in retreats, ethnic neglect and dismissal stumble

Meaning: “Adab husband towards his wife, namely: interacting well, speaking soft words, showing love, being roomy when alone, not too often questioning mistakes, forgiving if the wife makes mistakes, keeping the wife’s property, not much debate, spending money on the needs of the wife in a way, glorifying the wife’s family, always giving a good promise, and always eager to the wife.” Al-Adab Fid Din in Majmu’ah Rasail al-Imam al-Ghazali (Cairo, Al-Maktabah At-Taufiqiyyah, page 442)

These classic advice should not only be a history lesson, but become a principle of life in dealing with differences in character in the ark of the household.

Household is a gift agriculture

When a husband or wife is able to be patient with the shortcomings of his partner, it does not mean he is weak or defeated. Instead, he was walking on the path to spiritual maturity. In the hadith narrated by Abu Darda ‘mentioned;

Nothing is lacking in the balance of believers on the day of resurrection

Meaning: “There is nothing more severe on the scale of believers on the day of judgment other than good morals. Allah hates people whose words are hard and dirty.” (Clock. Imam Abu Darda ‘)

Therefore, be patient with a partner who is stubborn, irritable, or sensitive, is a charity body that continues to flow. Patience will strengthen the bond and open the road below the blessing.

Tips for building a tough household

In the era when emotions are easily ignited and the ego is rampant, patience becomes an expensive value. In fact, it is patience that actually makes the household as a place to grow, not just shelter. Married is not only about uniting two bodies, but two different souls and learning to accept each other.

So, let us make the household as a field of worship and a place to forge a noble character. Because in dealing with couples patiently, in fact we are learning to love Allah through His creatures.

Hope it is useful. Wallohu a’lam.